The Challenge of Forgiveness: As Faced by Victims of Betrayal and Abuse

Victims of violence and betrayal are frequently pressured by family and community members, along with offenders and their supporters, to forgive perpetrators and those who abandoned/betrayed them in the wake of their abuse. This type of pressure occurs regardless of whether perpetrators have apologized, rehabilitated or compensated victims for the damaged caused. As a result, premature forms of forgiveness are often ploys used by the powerful to whitewash culpability and continue oppressing wounded and disempowered populations. Most victims of abuse initially hope that their perpetrators will apologize, be sanctioned/punished and rehabilitated; while victims are exonerated and compensated for their losses. Unfortunately, such restorative responses rarely materialize. Consequently, most victims are not in the mood to reflect upon the nature of their injuries or consider the motives of their abusers. Their focus is on survival and preventing any form of revictimization. New Age and Pop Psychology understandings of forgiveness only add to their confusion and fail to meet their deeper needs. As a result of above, the majority of abuse victims get stuck and bogged down in some form of resentment, mistrust and addictive behaviour. To make matters more complicated, the unforgiving and resentful are often considered emotionally immature, psychologically impaired and/or spiritually defective by people at large when, in reality, most are trying to preserve what is left of their personal spirit in the face of social minimization, indifference and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Most resentful victims cling to a hope that someday they will be vindicated and justice will be served. Those in search of justice and healing typically have limited options. Social and legal systems usually prove unsatisfactory. Psychotherapy and inner work are usually the only options available. This journey of healing is typically done on one’s own or in conjunction with a mental-health professional. Sadly, most mental-health professionals know very little about abuse or the role forgiveness plays in healing. In addition, psychotherapists focus primarily on reframing cognitive beliefs rather than considering the social/political factors that contributed to their client’s abuse, as well as how the implications of abuse, coupled with continued feelings of resentment, affect the client’s overall well-being and relationships to both God and humanity. The Challenge of Forgiveness is required reading for all victims of abuse, concerned family member or supportive professionals who are trying to work through the effects of human-generated violence (while avoiding being contaminated by the unresolved effects of resentment and inabilities to forgive). 
Cost $30.00